5 Effective Alternatives to Scolding: Charming Quotes & Playful Vocabulary

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As I shared in Confessions of a Recovering Scolder, I’ve learned–and am still learning–that while scolding may not ruin my children, it’s certainly not the best way to win their hearts or influence their behavior.

If you ever struggle with unleashing on your children because for crying out loud you’ve already told them sixteen times and when will they ever learn to do as they’re told, I hope this series of 5 Effective Alternatives to Scolding will encourage and inspire you to speak life-giving words into their hearts.

Let’s start with one of my favorite alternatives to scolding:

Alternative #1:  Charming Quotes and Playful Vocabulary

Before jumping in to the meat of what this means, let me share some Biblical background.  As I pondered the best way to communicate this first alternative to scolding, Proverbs 16:24 came to mind:

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

When I looked at this verse in context, I was fascinated to discover these surrounding verses:

21–The wise in heart will be called understanding,
And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.

23–The heart of the wise instructs his mouth
And adds persuasiveness to his lips.

24–Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

25–There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

27–A worthless man digs up evil,
While his words are like scorching fire.

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Here’s what I noticed:

1. Sweet speech is persuasive.
2. Sweet speech is healing.
3. A wise person intentionally uses sweet speech in order to persuade.
4. Natural tendencies can lead to death.
5. The words of a worthless man are like scorching fire.

When I apply these Biblical truths to my words as a mother, I realize that kind, or sweet, words actually carry greater persuasion with my children than harsh words, which can scorch their hearts like fire.

When I resist my natural tendency to deliver stern lectures, or worse yet, to berate my children–a tendency that can lead to small deaths in their soul and in our relationship–my sweet words instead serve to bring healing.

• Who among us wants to be characterized by words “like scorching fire”?
• Wouldn’t we rather speak sweet words of healing and persuasion?

Of course we would!  But many of us {ahem} are of a more assertive and no-nonsense demeanor, and even those moms who are more naturally sweet can find themselves at a loss to contribute pleasant words to a trying situation.

This is where Charming Quotes and Playful Vocabulary come in.  

I love what Karen Andreola said in the Vocabulary chapter from her excellent book A Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on The Gentle Art of Learning.  

My children must listen to my voice all day.  Therefore, I try to resist nagging and speak with a pleasant tone–well, most of the time.  To ward off any tendency of theirs to turn a deaf ear to instruction, occasionally I’ll attempt to tickle their ears with some extraordinary vocabulary words.

She gives an example of addressing her son like so:

“I expected this to be executed with the utmost of swiftness”…instead of saying, “This should have been done by now.”

Isn’t that great!?

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Example #1: Bustle about, old chap!

A favorite Yankee Homestead version of this concept is a term we’ve borrowed from a treasured Christmas story: A Wind In the Willows Christmas

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Rat encourages his doleful friend Mole to cheer up, make the best of the situation and get right to work.  “Bustle about, old chap!” he says.

Isn’t it a fun phrase?  

I’ve discovered that “Bustle about, old chap!”, declared in an upbeat and cheerful manner, is a much more effective way to spur my troops to action than an exasperated “Hurry up!” or “Stop wasting time and start following my instructions!”

Older Brother struggles with starting his day–and his morning chores–at a brisk and purposeful speed.  After waking him, delivering a greeting and raising his window shades, I often use this phrase to call him to action.

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Example #2: In three shakes of a lamb’s tail

Pa Ingalls had quite a grasp of the whole “playful vocabulary” thing, and we adopted this fun phrase of his while reading By the Shores of Silver Lake.

It’s another great way to inspire speed without resorting to nagging or scolding: “It’s time to clean up this playroom, and I want it to be done in three shakes of a lamb’s tail!”

Example #3: Chop, chop, lollipop!

Little Brother loves to create chants, rhymes and rhythms.  He went through a “See you later, alligator” phase, which led to a slew of similar sayings:

• See you soon, baboon.
• Bye-bye, horse fly.
• Chop, chop, lollipop.

Somehow we adopted “Chop, chop, lollipop” to apply to situations that require speedy action.  Sort of like “Hop to it!”

Give it a Try

It seems too simple and sort of silly, but I invite you to give it a try.  It really works!

When a situation is beginning to turn sour, or you can tell that someone is about to get seriously cranky, try using a cheerful, playful charge to action.  More often than not, it diffuses the situation and turns that frown upside down.

I’ve noticed that using fun phrases also helps me stay calm and cheerful when I’m tempted to feel impatient and exasperated.  It’s one way to keep my speech pleasant, “sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Do you have a fun phrase for diffusing situations at your house?

Read the rest of the series:

• Confessions of a Recovering Scolder
• 5 Effective Alternatives to Scolding: #2 Inspirational Models
• 5 Effective Alternatives to Scolding: #3 Training

Photo credits

• honey jars
• flames 

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